At the Summit
The past decade, I have been climbing this mountain because I was told that at the summit, you would then obtain what you always wanted for life, and all the challenging suffering and pain would be worth it regardless of the cost…
Along the way, I started to notice that maybe this wasn’t the case, and it was just selling a dream. This was rather dangerous because it defeats the meaning. Everything was conditional back then.
If I can do ..., then I will ...
If this works out, then I can ...
If I get ..., then I am allowed to be happy...
If I don't do ..., then everything would be wasted...
If ..., then ...
If ... ...
If ...
If ???That day, I was finally tired of it. I really wanted to see it — what is it at the summit?
I threw away all the weights, everything…
Funnily enough, it wasn’t hard going all the way to the top without any burdens. That morning, I finally reached the top!
That day, my dream was shattered. There wasn’t a holy grail nor the solution I sought. Was I frustrated? Sad? It was a bit of everything, but I also felt relieved and even a bit happy in the end.
I realise…
If I never had any problems, there wouldn’t be any solutions. If I was never sick, there wouldn’t be a cure. If we all knew it from the beginning, then there was no secret.
Conditional joy and happiness was my exact source of pain and suffering. I don’t have to achieve anything to be allowed to be happy. Simply being here has always been enough.
I had many thoughts… but it was time to go down.
On the way down, I felt lighter than ever. The dawn, the first light from the sun, the warmth… it has been there for way more than 100,000 years. When our ancestors saw the sun rise that day, what kind of feelings could they have had? Probably not much different from us.
After a decade, that was the first time I started noticing how beautiful our planet and nature are. They were always there since I was born, but I was too focused on the act of climbing.
However, there wasn’t any shortcut. Life has no secret or holy grail. It is just up to me what to do. I am finally free.
Even if my ultimate dream can never be fulfilled, it doesn’t matter anymore. I can live a life without that and be happier than ever.